Lived Experience: The Dichotomies of Parenthood
In an earlier blog post about the shadow self, I reflected on the light and dark parts we all carry, the sides of ourselves we feel proud to show and the ones we have been taught to hide. This exploration of duality is becoming a thread that runs through my writing and my life. It shows up in my reflections on identity, on ethical non-monogamy, and now, in what I am sharing here: the deeply personal experience of being a parent, and more specifically, a single parent.
Parenthood has been my greatest teacher in holding opposites. Love and struggle often arrive together, and the intensity of parenting can bring both to the surface in the same breath. This is not an abstract concept for me; it is my daily reality. I have always been someone who pours myself fully into the season I am in. When it is time to work, I give everything I have to my commitments, my learning, and my goals. When it is time to play, I immerse myself in joy, connection, and freedom. These shifts have always been part of my rhythm, yet in parenting, they feel magnified. Parenting is love and despair, joy and exhaustion, pride and fear, often all at once. The emotions are sharp and vivid, and they coexist in ways that defy logic yet feel completely human.
In my world, I go from zero to one hundred with my kids. I do not have them, and then I do. When I do, it is just me. The shift is jarring. I go from full autonomy, steering my life, growing my business, and moving through my days on my own terms, to having two small humans who need me for everything. My time, my energy, and my attention. When they are here, I do not choose my own adventures as freely as I do otherwise. Parenting is a constant lesson in living within opposing truths. It is the surrender of control and the discovery of strength. It is the challenge of being fully present for them while not losing sight of myself. It is the reminder that life’s richest experiences often live in the tension between two extremes.
I suspect that, over time, I will continue to share different sides of myself here as a parent, a therapist, and a human being navigating my own complexities. In these stories, whether I am speaking about relationships, identity, or the inner world, there is a common thread. It is the belief that all parts of us, light and shadow, joy and pain, belong in the story of who we are.
Embracing my entirety. Grateful for this dichotomy.
Belle Love
If you are curious about where this theme began, you may want to read my earlier post, What is the Shadow Self? where I first started exploring the idea that all of our parts, the ones we celebrate and the ones we hide, are worthy of love and belonging