What is the “Shadow Self?”
I've lived a life of duality for as long as I can remember. In high school, I was a straight-A student, served on the student council, wrote for the school newspaper, and played sports. Meanwhile, on weekends, I would party, chase boys, and dance at raves. Then do it all over again. In university, the same rhythm continued; ambitious and disciplined during the week, wild and expressive on weekends. I walked between two worlds: one that earned praise and the other that stirred fear and shame. I worried that being fully seen would cost me credibility or connection. So I hid, keeping part of myself a secret from most. My dirty little secret.
As I entered adulthood, I followed the relationship script that was handed to me. I fell in love, got engaged, married, and had children. For a time, I felt a sense of fulfillment. But eventually, I realized that the mould I had conformed to did not reflect my true self, so I chose to unravel it all and, in doing so, discovered new relationship frameworks such as ethical non-monogamy. These structures offered me more freedom, alignment, and authenticity. Once again, though, I found myself navigating spaces that felt misunderstood or judged by the mainstream. Because of these extremes, I have learned to live in the grey, where shadow and light coexist. I have come to see that the parts I once tried to hide were never wrong. They were waiting to be welcomed. My shadow self, the wild, wounded, sensual, and curious parts, were just as worthy of love as the light I offered the world.
This is why I am drawn to people who often feel like outsiders. Not because they are broken, but because they are beautifully complex. I have spent years immersed in communities of lovers, ravers, creatives, caregivers, professionals, and spiritual seekers, many of whom are those I hope to support as a therapist in Toronto. I call them shadow cultures, spaces rich in expression, connection, and embodied truth, yet often stigmatized or misunderstood. Inspired by Carl Jung's theory of the shadow self, my work centers on the belief that the parts we repress, including hedonistic tendencies, sensuality, rage, grief, shame, intensity, and desire, are not to be exiled. These shadow aspects are messengers. They hold unspoken needs, unprocessed pain, and unclaimed power. In therapy, we make space for these hidden parts without judging them; instead, we meet them with compassion and curiousity. This is the heart of my therapeutic practice. Gentle, yet profound. An exploration of love, identity, connection, boundaries, self-worth, and what it means to live an honest life.
As I prepare to open my practice, I envision working with individuals who live, work, or love in spaces that challenge convention. You do not have to over-explain these experiences with me. I understand the nuance. I have walked many of these paths myself and bring lived experience, psychological and sociological research, and therapeutic training into every session. If you are seeking a therapist who speaks your language and views your complexity not as a problem, but as a strength, you are in the right place. I cannot wait to meet you with an open mind and an open heart.
Warm regards,
Belle Love